Happy 4th Birthday Veronica!

Kinda weird to think back at how drastically my life has changed over the past four years. There have definitely been some crests and valleys; few things have remained constant during that period of time. One of them has been my love for you and how you've brought immense, indescribable joy to me, just by being there.

<3 <3 <3

Happy Birthday Veronica! I wish you a joyful, fun-filled princessy day :) I love you very much.

No Main Topic 002: On Birthdays & A Shift In Musical Preference.

It's a week out since my birthday. First and foremost, once more let me thank everyone who wished me well via Facebook, Twitter, text message, webcam, the phone and in person. Your words, hugs and smiles (and age jokes) through all of these means of communication are much appreciated. If it wasn't obvious from the content of several recent posts, I haven't really felt like myself for the past few weeks -- and it's not because I'm getting older. I guess I'm feeling the effects of some internal seismic activity -- tectonic plates moving around in my mind and causing some cracks on the surface. I've told myself that this is actually A Good Thing, that letting these feelings emerge is actually healthy. This is still unfamiliar territory; I'm used to bottling up and locking everything down until I become a pressure cooker.

Like previous birthdays, I feel no different. I suppose my metabolism has slowed a little, but I've been trying to improve my lifestyle with a pescatarian diet and a significant increase in exercise (details on this in a few days). I may not feel older, but I know things are going to start acting differently the older I get, so I need to make that health investment now. Consider it a preemptive strike against -- well, against whatever it is that afflicts people in their 30s. (It truly pains me to write that last sentence.)

One thing that's definitely changed throughout the years (and has been more pronounced in the past two or three) is the kind of music I listen to. I'm way past the MTV/VH1/BET demographic; I don't even know what channels they're on. Nowadays you could show me a Billboard 200 chart and while I'd most likely have a working knowledge of the majority of artists on it, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you how their songs go ... unless it had been remixed by a DJ specializing in dubstep, glitch, electro or nu-disco. It's strange, because while I do not consider myself an avid listener of "radio" music anymore, I visit a staggering number of music blogs and immerse myself in the bleeding edge of emerging electronic dance- and club-oriented sub-genres that push the pop envelope and, in essence, predict how music will sound a few months down the line.

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I know, it's a strange juxtaposition. I suppose it's because I hate how similar everything sounds on the radio now, and I'm looking for something original. Or at least original before it gets fully co-opted by the music industry juggernaut. It's like Indiana Jones sprinting frantically down the tunnel, trying to outpace the giant boulder. Fortunately, more and more creative ways to make good music are available, as is the technology to spread it, and I am lucky enough to be able to hear and appreciate the results. They make my ears very happy, and do other important things for me -- I even wrote some haiku about it.

If anyone would like to listen to what's currently making my world go 'round, let me know. I'd love to make you a compilation, either on physical CD or mp3 playlist.

Thirty-Four.

So here are a few select quotes on age, and my thoughts on them.

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
- Anais Nin

The term arrested development seems to come up more frequently for me. I feel fulfilled and grown in certain areas, yet alarmingly stunted in others. Most of this, I think, stems from my inability to adequately express my feelings verbally to the most important people in my life. Which has lead to situations where I've indeed acted childish, instead of as someone who can reason things out in a rational manner. You know, like an adult. Don't get me wrong ... my self-perception is positive overall, but I have a lot to work on.

People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live ... [We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born.
- Albert Einstein (in a letter to Otto Juliusburger)

There is a difference between childish and childlike. One of the things I pride myself on is that although I consider myself grown-up, I've kept my childlike sense of wonder mostly intact. I still surprise myself by marvelling at the little things in life, and being astounded by the sheer size of the world. I can only hope that this sense of wonder stays with me.

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.
- Sir Arthur Pinero

Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.
- Jeanne Moreau

This I wholeheartedly believe in 300%. Love is easy and love is complicated, but love is essential to a fulfilling life. There's no way around it. The trick is learning how to love right.

Live your life and forget your age.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Such a simple quote, but it packs enough wisdom to last me forever.

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Happy Birthday to me.

Happy 3rd Birthday Veronica!

Daddy loves you very much.