Catharsis.

It's been raining. And it reminds me of Seattle.

I miss them both. I miss hanging out in my loft in Greenwood, listening to and watching the rain come down. I like the thought of the rain washing the city clean, giving it a fresh start. I know a ton of people hate the rain but I never ever minded. Ever. Rain was a catharsis for me, a chance to renew.

[via]

I feel like I need to give myself a fresh start. There are so many new things in my life, as well as older issues that have become ... baggage. I keep mentioning it, but I'm weighed down: Finishing my re-education and jump-starting my new career after graduation. My relationship problems. My financial situation (or lack thereof). Working hard not to disappoint my family -- and others close to me. I'm stressed.

It's a lot for me. I'm used to being a little more laissez faire with my life. I've always had the "twig in the river" mentality -- almost like fatalism -- where I go where life takes me, I'll just be along for the ride. It worked out like that for a few years, in Seattle. I truly had a blast, lived it up, partied, and generally didn't pay any mind to where I was really going, or what I was going to do next. (Not that I did anything crazy, but I considered myself pretty happy-go-lucky as far as lifestyle went.) Then came Veronica. The twig entered the rapids.

I have to credit a couple of people in my life who have blessed me with advice (you all know who you are). They've provided me with much-needed insight into myself, my feelings, my relationships -- family-related and otherwise -- and into life in general. I can't afford to live like I used to, they say. I have entered a stage where I have to man up and actually be responsible, not just for my own life but for the lives of the people involved in ours. No more half-trying. No more messing around. For this, I have to thank all of you. Your words will not go unheard.

It's funny how half of me found this advice hard to swallow. Half of me wanted to keep floating. But I know I can't.

I need it to keep raining.

Speaking of Seattle, I'm headed up there for about a week for Spring Break. However, regular updates of Perpetual Mixtape will continue. I'm cool like that. I think.

Rainy Days Kill.

I actually love rainy days, as well as the simple, clean design and muted colors of this poster.

[via]

Speaking of weather, It's been foggy and cold the past couple of days here, so I'm in a bit of a quiet, introspective mood. Today is one of two looong days at school (8am to 5:30pm -- just like a workday, except I'm paying to be there), so I'll leave it at that. Have a great Tuesday!

It's Almost Springtime ...

... and the rain has made itself known here.

Lyrics: "Veil" (Verse 01).

It's almost midnight, it just stopped raining (for now, anyway), and I feel like posting up some lyrics. I recently finished the first verse of a song I'm tentatively calling "Veil" which matches my current introspective-slash-contemplative mood. In an attempt to inject some creativity into my writing, I tried something different this time around, opting for an ABAB rhyme scheme for 20 bars instead of the typical AABB.

If you were brought up like I was, then you woulda believed
That the good guys won all the fights they had
Accomplish anything you set out to achieve
And every son dreamed they could be like their dad

It wasn't hard to separate all the heroes out from the villains
And a friend then was a friend for real
You forgave and forgot if you happened to catch feelings
And God willin' you still made amends and chilled

But now that I've been around a little longer
I've seen some people hold on to hate
I admit sometimes I wish that I'd have been stronger
I'm guilty of the same, we can all relate

'Cause people will cross you, no matter their motivation
Whether from jealousy, greed, or some other sin
Whether you're kind to the world or you're not, no relation
Just some cats wanna see you suffer and then

Humiliate you for bein' you, knockin' ya whole game
In attempts to cut down ya level to size
On the path we all travel they stay blockin' the slow lane
No pain, time to sever the ties

This will be a regular feature on PM; I'll be posting up my rhymes occasionally. Please feel free to leave feedback or criticism -- honesty is definitely appreciated.