27 June 2009

I <3 Spam.

Every once in a while I open up my constantly-refilling email spam folder to see what gems are buried in there. Bursting with unintentional grammar, spelling and punctuation errors (a significant number of spam email servers are located in Russia, China and India), some of the messages make for quick, hilarious reading. So let's see what appeared in my spam folder today:

  1. One little pill and you are on your way to Sax! Light her eyes with true desire

    I used to want to play the saxophone. This makes it easy! So if I pop this pill, the sensuous strains of smooth jazz should be floating effortlessly out of my "brass instrument". Hot and heavy.

  2. Hey

    I usually don't open up the emails themselves, but the pure poetry and drama of this message uplifted my soul. Here's an excerpt:
    crunch briber valve crunch!
    errant whorl wane timer!
    doomed meat wane dank?
    auburn quads timer tamer!

    revoke lovely auburn gouge!
    rococo cored agaze.
    cower dank daw glum?
    pellet crikey quads mat?
    E. E. Cummings would be proud.

  3. Don't try hard to make it stay -- just have one doze and become amorous hero.

    Amorous Hero sounds like some funky love manga that my younger cousins would read. Apparently all I'd have to do to magically transform into him ... is sleep. zZzZzZz Amorous Hero!!

  4. Lost your firmness? Give your ardor engine the right fuel.

    That's what I'm calling it from now on, dammit. My ardor engine.

  5. Sat down by the side of the cool fountain, To the land where the Bong-tree grows

    A Bong-tree, you say?! Very interesting ...

Have a good weekend!

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