Shutterfly Photo Card.

Okay so I've had a Shutterfly account for a couple of years now and I've nothing but good things to say about the service. I've ordered photobooks and prints from them and have always been very satisfied with the quality and look of the products. Recently I got an offer for a free greeting card, and since Veronica's fifth birthday is fast approaching, I thought a nice, professionally cute card would be perfect. Here's what I ended up with:

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

I should be getting the card in a few days -- in plenty of time for her birthday next month. Fantastic :D

Happy 4th Birthday Veronica!

Kinda weird to think back at how drastically my life has changed over the past four years. There have definitely been some crests and valleys; few things have remained constant during that period of time. One of them has been my love for you and how you've brought immense, indescribable joy to me, just by being there.

<3 <3 <3

Happy Birthday Veronica! I wish you a joyful, fun-filled princessy day :) I love you very much.

Rebirth Of A Seattleite.

Well, I'm officially a resident of Washington State again. We touched down at my sister's house in Kirkland late Thursday evening and it's taken a weekend to unpack, settle in and start adjusting to the time difference. Here's the route we took:

not nearly as bad as it looks

Happily, Veronica was very pleasant throughout the duration of the road trip. She's always been a great traveler though, and occupied herself with coloring, drawing and singing in between viewings of The Little Mermaid or Tinkerbell. We had lots of fun which really made the time go by faster (but believe me, I felt those hours of driving at the end of each of the two days we were on the road).

Here are the stats for our great adventure:

• 1661 highway miles
• 25 hours of driving
• 6 states
• 9 "Are we there yet?" questions
• 1 delay due to highway accidents
• 7 gas stops
• 1 motel stay
• 7 animated movies watched on the PSP
• 2 people happy that the trip is finally over

For the next steps, I've begun studying for my MRI boards that I'll take next month and sending out resumes for jobs. I only plan on staying with my sister (and her husband and daughter) for a few weeks, until I get back on track with a regular paycheck, and then it's back to apartment living once more. I'm looking forward to some steady work and adjusting to a schedule again. My re-education is complete. Now it's time to get busy.

Make No Bones About It.

I continuously surprise myself at the realization of the distance I must travel in terms of self-improvement and, consequently, self-actualization. This distance was again put into sharp focus last week during (my final) Spring Break -- this usually happens when I have the much-needed privilege and responsibility of looking after Veronica. There's nothing quite like parenting to give you the proper perspective of your position in the world; it dawned on me as well that I needed to apply the lessons I learn while trying to be a good father to other aspects of my life.

Last week, it was reinforced to varying degrees that I need to keep working on my senses of patience, fairness, discipline, permissiveness, consistency and empathy (this is a big one). I've made reference to them before, but the lack of those skills contribute to much of my internal instability. I'm glad I've started to really recognize what my deficits are, when I used to just ignore/deny my faults (which did absolutely no one any good).

Well, my road to recovery begins with the admittance of my shortcomings, and the progress I will take to overcome them. This week I embark on that journey. It's time to face my skeletons. Fittingly (and kinda hilariously), a screenshot from one of the videogames of my childhood represents this well.

See you at the top.

Catharsis.

It's been raining. And it reminds me of Seattle.

I miss them both. I miss hanging out in my loft in Greenwood, listening to and watching the rain come down. I like the thought of the rain washing the city clean, giving it a fresh start. I know a ton of people hate the rain but I never ever minded. Ever. Rain was a catharsis for me, a chance to renew.

[via]

I feel like I need to give myself a fresh start. There are so many new things in my life, as well as older issues that have become ... baggage. I keep mentioning it, but I'm weighed down: Finishing my re-education and jump-starting my new career after graduation. My relationship problems. My financial situation (or lack thereof). Working hard not to disappoint my family -- and others close to me. I'm stressed.

It's a lot for me. I'm used to being a little more laissez faire with my life. I've always had the "twig in the river" mentality -- almost like fatalism -- where I go where life takes me, I'll just be along for the ride. It worked out like that for a few years, in Seattle. I truly had a blast, lived it up, partied, and generally didn't pay any mind to where I was really going, or what I was going to do next. (Not that I did anything crazy, but I considered myself pretty happy-go-lucky as far as lifestyle went.) Then came Veronica. The twig entered the rapids.

I have to credit a couple of people in my life who have blessed me with advice (you all know who you are). They've provided me with much-needed insight into myself, my feelings, my relationships -- family-related and otherwise -- and into life in general. I can't afford to live like I used to, they say. I have entered a stage where I have to man up and actually be responsible, not just for my own life but for the lives of the people involved in ours. No more half-trying. No more messing around. For this, I have to thank all of you. Your words will not go unheard.

It's funny how half of me found this advice hard to swallow. Half of me wanted to keep floating. But I know I can't.

I need it to keep raining.

Speaking of Seattle, I'm headed up there for about a week for Spring Break. However, regular updates of Perpetual Mixtape will continue. I'm cool like that. I think.

On Hair Clips, Chaos & Memories.

Photos from the past month are up on Flickr.

My room is trashed. Yesterday I wrote on Twitter: "I think RadioShack, Linens N Things and my campus library had a wild drunken #threesome in my room and left me to clean up after their mess." Looking at it from my vantage point at my desk, it seems even worse than it did then. The mess flows haphazardly from the bed (which is surprisingly made) down onto the floor, cascades up onto my desk, end table, bookshelf and has somehow found its way into my closet.

I don't usually leave my room in this sad state. Ever.

It's probably because I haven't really "settled in" quite yet. I mean, I physically moved here at the end of last month, but when you share your room with a 3-year-old, her stuff ends up quickly and completely kicking your stuff's ass. In addition to piles of pastel-colored clothes, my bedroom was overrun with Veronica's Eric Carle books, balloons, Hello Kitty hair clips, and a crazy assortment of toys and various knick-knacks that she happened to bring in from other parts of the house.

It is no secret that I am unabashedly anti-knick-knack.

So I tried to fight it at first, and fight it hard. I systematically re-arranged my closet to accommodate two wardrobes and designated a proper drawer for the crayons. I stacked up library books and notepads according to size and slyly rotated toys in and out of use. I thought I was being clever, but I thought wrong. It was too much. Turns out that I'm not very good at winning battles of attrition when the theater of war was confined to my bedroom. Socks and gloves appeared in random places. There was a never-ending hunt for scrunchies and barrettes:

1. ME: "Well, where did you put it last?"
2. VERONICA: "I don't know."
3. Repeat every hour or so.

But here's the thing: It was actually kind of refreshing to let go, to revel in the chaos of happy disorganization. Strangely, the near-constant mess was a way to connect with Veronica, to remember what being a child was like, to be care-free about things that really didn't matter that much. So I learned to accept the mess and even enjoy it a little. Because in light of the precious limited time we had together, the mess didn't matter that much at all. In fact, it became a symbol of her visit and the joy it brought me.

Veronica is traveling with my sister and her baby today, so she couldn't take all of her things with her due to luggage constraints. My bedroom is still filled with knick-knacks, toys, books and clothes -- and I know I'll find a hair clip before long. But I have been slow to clean up my room. I know I'll have to soon for practicality's sake, but it can wait for a couple of days.

Just ... not yet.

Two Different Goodbyes.

Headed back to Olathe one more time this weekend -- with Veronica, Gen, Olivienne and my mom in tow -- to finally clear out the rest of the boxes and miscellaneous items from my apartment. All of the large pieces of furniture have already found a good home; it's just a matter of sliding everything else into the back of my dad's Ridgeline and finding space for it here in Hays (not that this house needs anything else stuffed into it, which is why I'm doubly glad that I'm not bringing back any big items). So it'll be a busy weekend of driving, organizing and cleaning before handing the keys back for good and officially closing my experience of living in Kansas City.

This will also be my last weekend with Veronica before she flies back out to Seattle with Gen and Olivienne next Wednesday. These past five weeks have definitely flown by too fast and I can't say I'm really ready for her to go. It's been a wonderful, hilarious and joyous time. I've been continually amazed, delighted and humbled by having her around. It's a powerful way to see a different perspective of the world and my place in it. Needless to say, I'll miss her a lot -- even though I'll see her again in mid-March and we'll Skype regularly until then. It won't be the same, though, and it makes me profoundly sad. That said, words cannot describe how happy I am that she was able to spend time with me.

I love you Veronica! Missing you already.

Happy 3rd Birthday Veronica!

Daddy loves you very much.